Ways To Mend A Broken Heart
In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, know that its OK to allow yourself time to grieve the loss. You dont need to jump straight into problem-solving modein fact, doing so when you havent allowed yourself to fully embody your feelings may make the process more protracted and difficult.
In the early days, try to resist the urge to isolate yourself. Sadness, guilt, confusion, and other intense feelings may be overwhelming. Reach out to the people who care about you. To come to terms with the changes in your life, youll need the support of your family and friends.
When youre ready for the next step, here are some do’s and donts to help guide you through the process of healing.
Surround Yourself With Love
The loss of someone who you shared a relationship with will inevitably leave a void that can make you feel empty and more alone than ever before. The best way to combat this feeling is to fill the hole with more love, either from family or friends. Dont isolate yourself from the world, get out there and rebuild some of those relationships that may have been neglected due to your relationship. Spend as much time as you can around people who truly love you and care about your happiness and wellbeing.
You should also immerse yourself in some self-love. Do some things just for you. Get a massage, a facial, buy a pair of amazing shoes. Give yourself a self-indulgent treat for no other reason than you love yourself and want to treat yourself kindly.
Are You Struggling To Get Over A Past Relationship
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do is not just a hit song from the 1960sit is a fact. Anyone who has gone through a breakup knows that a broken heart can be difficult to mend. This universal emotional response to the sudden, unexpected, or unwanted loss of love is often characterized by an intense longing, hurt, and/or desire for an ex or unrequited love. And it can hurt like hell. For some, it feels like their whole world is caving in on them. And in many cases, because the pain is so great and the path to mending it seems so daunting, people avoid healing their broken heart. This avoidance can lead to many unwanted side effects, including, but not limited to, greater internal conflict, complicated emotional responses, withdrawal, and difficulty in future relationships.
So, how do you heal a broken heart? Here are a few tips I have picked up in my training, clinical experiences and late night calls with girlfriends and family members.
Take Your Time
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Rosss five stages of grief are one of the most popular ways to frame the grieving process. Though everyone experiences grief uniquely, I have found it to be a helpful guide in working with my grieving clients. The five stages are denial , anger , bargaining , depression , and acceptance.
Step 1: Set time aside to date yourself by scheduling it in. Make yourself a priority.
Remember Why You Broke Up
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Ways To Move On From A Broken Heart
You are not alone. These tips for moving on after a relationship ends will help you heal and give you hope for a new season in your life. I included a variety of tips for picking up the pieces of a broken heart, to give you hope and purpose!
Giving up doesnt always mean you are weak sometimes it means you are strong enough to let go. ~ Unknown.
Find A Good Support Circle
When you decide to go it alone, all youre inadvertently doing is deciding to delay your growth as much as possible. Trying to deal with the pain alone can do more harm than good, something youll realize when youve been stuck in the grief stage for the longest time.
Find a good circle of people who care about you enough to pull you out of your comfort zone, i.e., the grief you feel. Try not to reject help from loved ones, and dont be too stubborn about wanting to stay in mourning, says Kavita.
Only when youre willing to let people in and help you can they actually do so. Tackling how to heal a broken heart all alone wont end up very well for you, she adds.
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Kill The Hope That He’ll Magically Become The One
It’s hard to let go of hope when a relationship ends. Part of you still wishes and hopes that things will magically change, and youll go back to the way things were.
Accepting that this is never going to happen is an important but difficult step.
He’s not going to magically change and become “The One.” He is who he is. Needing him to change in order for the relationship to work will only lead you to more heartbreak.
Stop waiting for him to change his mind. Kill the hope that he’ll see what a fool he was for ending things, that he’ll become someone other than who he is right now.
It sounds a little harsh, but youll be OK. In fact, when you kill the hope of it being him, you open up the possibility of someone else someone better to come into your life.
Out of all the ways to heal a broken heart and move on, this one can be the most difficult. That little girl inside of you so wants to prove to him that you’re worthy of his love.
Killing the hope is one of the most loving acts you can take for yourself.
Theres A Secret To Healing A Broken Heart And Its Far
Break up. Split up. Separate. Divorce. Those verbs have pretty powerful, dramatic weight. They are vivid and active. They do damageespecially to the heart. A broken heart feels heavy, laden with sadness and fear, but a broken heart can heal.
There is hope.
Many years ago, I suffered a horrible break up. Sometimes the camera of my mind replays the scene of my younger self, lying on the bedroom floor, sobbing uncontrollably in devastation. I didnt want it to end, but I couldnt let that unhealthy relationship continue. My body shattered, and I could do nothing but fall to pieces on the floor. We broke up. I broke down, and somehow I had to find a way to live without this man that I loved.
While there is no accurate description of what a broken heart feels like, there are emotional reactions and behaviors that many whove suffered a broken heart have experienced. They are not pretty.
According to therapist Joyce Marter, Founder and CEO of Urban Balance, a broken heart mirrors a depressive episode, and someone might have a decrease in appetite, disruptive sleep, and anxiety about the future, Marter said.
Happiness Specialist, Rebecca L. Norrington said, A broken heart is probably one of the most painful experiences this life has to offerI know if I had a dollar for every heartbreak and disappointment Ive felt, Id be able to finance a cruise around the worldwell, maybe a cruise half-way around the world.
What can people do to help heal a broken heart?
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How To Heal A Broken Heart: 10 No Bullsh*t Steps To Move On
byLachlan BrownJuly 28, 2020, 6:51 am
Breaking up with someone you love can be one of the most heart-wrenching and soul-draining experiences youll ever encounter.
Were you the problem? Were they the problem? If youre anything like me, your mind cant stop racing with what-ifs?
One year ago I broke up with the love of my life. We were together for 5 years.
The emotions I experienced after we broke up werent fun at all. In fact, it was pretty downright terrible.
It may feel like its impossible for you to move on right now.
After all, how are you supposed to put the past behind you when youre feeling emotionally destroyed?
But Im here to tell you that it is possible. I can vouch for that.
In this article, Im going to describe exactly what worked for me to heal my broken heart, and how you go about it for yourself.
Find Relief In Exercise And Movement
Research shows that exercise can reduce stress. Use exercise as a healthy outlet to manage feelings of anxiety, sadness, lethargy, and stress, Bottari says.
A daily walk, bike ride, or online workout video are ways to work exercise into your daily routine when youre feeling sad or stressed about the breakup.
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Get Clear On What You Really Want Before Rushing Into Another Relationship
Most people date backwards which means that you are likely doing this very common mistake. You wait to find a person that gives you all the feels and from there you try to make the relationship work.
You may have tried to make it with the nice guy that you had no chemistry with only to find that didnt work either.
Heres the real deal common sense about love that no one else will tell you: You dont have to choose between having chemistry or not. You get to have lasting love with a guy who lights you up!
Never settle for a relationship without the spark because you cannot settle for a lifetime. At some point it wont be worth it to you to stay the course. Its too easy without that spark to walk away when you hit that inevitable second stage of relationship The Power Struggle.
Instead, create a crystal clear vision of the relationship you want without inserting a face into the dream. Know how you want the relationship to function. Decide ahead of time the dynamic that you would like to have between the two of you. Before you ever meet, choose the feelings that he invokes inside of you and all the body sensation that you would like to have.
Once you are clear on the vision of what you want you wont be far from living it.
Make A List Of What You Like About Yourself
When you are feeling low about yourself, consider making a list of all the good things you did for your past partner or all the qualities they liked about you and the qualities you like about yourself.
For example, you might write a self-love list like this:
- I made him coffee in the morning.
- I picked her up from the train station when it rained.
- I put on her favorite song when she was sad.
- I reminded him about his dads birthday.
You may also find it helpful to write out a list of positive things youll do in future relationships.
If youd rather not think about relationships, Bottari suggests searching the internet for self-affirmations that resonate with you, such as:
- I am not my mistakes.
- I am enough.
- There is no wrong decision.
Recite these when you are having negative or self-defeating thoughts, Bottari says.
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Say No To Anything That Is Not What You Want
Theres one caveat that may show up, and when it does you must commit to stay on course to lasting love with an ideal partner. When you take the steps above as weve outlined them its likely that youll be tested.
The old pattern may show up. The really tempting familiar situation with that guy who is lighting up all the colors inside of you may try to suck you in one more time.
It is very important you say no to the old way of being and reject him. This guy is just a reminder that you know better now. That youve evolved past him and his type.
Youre no longer a slave to that autopilot response to fall for the guy who is a match to Your Love Imprint®. The familiar may appear very tempting, but its up to this newly educated version of you to turn it down.
Saying no to anything that is not what you want means that you know you deserve to have what you truly desire. Of all the ways to heal your heart and move on this one may be the toughest of all.
We want you to know that you can stumble and you can hit that repeat button again and again and youll still get another chance. As a matter of fact, if you dont believe us and you go back to Mr. Unavailable yet again this article will still be here, well still be here because at any point you can decide to evolve past what is familiar so you can create what is in your true hearts desire.
Dont Try To Suppress The Pain
Dont waste energy on feeling ashamed or guilty about your feelings, says Carpenter. Instead, invest that energy in making concrete efforts to feel better and to heal.
Consider giving yourself 10 to 15 minutes each day to acknowledge and feel your sadness. By giving it some dedicated attention, you may find it popping up less and less throughout your day.
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Practice Compassion For Yourself
You can get stuck when you judge yourself and blame yourself for the break-up.
The truth is you were doing the best you could with the resources you had. All of us are. If you had the ability to approach the situation differently you would have.
Have compassion for that younger version of you who was unable to prevent it, fix it, or make it better. Whether you could or should have done things differently is irrelevant at this point.
Accessing compassion releases judgment and there is no reason to judge what you did or did not do. There is no reverse in life, so you cannot go back to make a new choice. Compassion allows you to be kind to yourself.
Find a place you love to sit, whether out in nature or in your home, and place your right hand on your heart center and cover it with your left. Close your eyes and breath into your heart. Picture the younger version of you who screwed things up.
Let her know you love her. Say out loud, I forgive myself for judging myself for and fill in the sentence with the mistakes that you made. Practice this as often as you like.
Look At The Silver Lining
It is possible to stay positive after suffering from heartache. They say everything happens for a reason. Start considering that maybe your ex is not meant for you, that a better partner wont come into your life if you and your ex are still together.
Train yourself to believe that positive changes are coming into your life. Start by being kind to yourself after the break-up.
Say Positive Affirmations
Have a morning routine with exercise and mindfulness meditation, saying to yourself affirmations like, I will be okay. Today is going to be a good day. Better things are coming my way. This is what you call the Law of Attraction. Things start to manifest as you start believing they will. When you believe in positivity, positive things will happen.
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Get Into Healthy Routines
Focus On What You Want
Dont keep rehashing the bad moments. And dont focus on what isnt working. In my life coaching practice, I find that single women tend to focus on what they dont want: I dont want to be cheated on again, I dont want to be single forever, etc.
But words have power. When we focus on what we dont want, we keep getting what we dont want. Instead, focus all your attention on what you do want, whether thats a healthy new relationship or to be single and confident about it.
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Take The Time To Accept And Let It Out:
Grieving does not have a calendar but even before you can grieve, you need to accept that the relationship is over. Take all the time you need to grieve, take time off if needed but grieve. Let it out even if it means you need to cry. You dont have to have a prescribed way to grieve, its your emotion and you choose to process it your way. Yell, scream, cry or do whatever it is but let it out.
Allow Yourself To Feel Your Feelings
When somebody breaks up with you, you’re going to feel a flood of emotions, says Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT, a psychotherapist in New York City. It’s a trauma. It’s a shock to your system. And as with any type of emotional shock, you want to be really gentle with yourself and you want to allow yourself to feel your feelings, she says. After all, your feelings are there for a reasonthey can help you move through difficult experiences, but only if you release them.
In the days following the breakup, allow yourself to cry and acknowledge that a breakup is like any other type of loss. With loss come five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You’re going to go through those in your own way, in your own time, says Hendrix. And during the process, validate your feelings by saying things like Why wouldnt I feel like way? and Of course Im experiencing this emotion.
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